Mom & Dad: Mom and Dad. The owners and proprietors of Chez Auto. Mom is retired. Dad is a retired engineer, which is at least twice as dangerous. Guardians of:
426, Tiller, Wyoming, and Wayne: their dogs
Brother: their son and my brother. He has his moments. And also a wife, who would prefer to remain out of this for professional reasons. Noted.
Dr W: A dentist (it’s relevant)
Mrs Gwen: His wife
Mr Glenn: A recent widower, also companion and chauffer to
Bruce: a husky. With opinions.
Monsieur et Madame Canape: Residents of Casa Canape. Users of the internet. They should not be.
Miss Connie: A neighbor, and staff for
Demon: a cat. Allegedly.
Mr and Mrs Frogman: a retired Navy seal (allegedly) and his wife. Handlers for:
The ninja cats: tormentors to Bruce and 426. Spies. Allegedly. Number uncertain.
Mr. and Mrs. Preacher: The preacher (ret) and his spouse. Mrs. Preacher being the one most likely to kill me for the crime of referring to her by something other than her name. Also for “putting her on Facebook and such nonsense.”
Mrs. PastorInTraining: a devout woman studying to become a cleric. She occupies the library, but wishes many of these books did not. Also coordinates Mr. Preacher’s calendar and takes the brunt of Mrs. Preacher’s helpful suggestions. Previously the owner of a cat.
Big Miss M: A widow, and grandmother to
Little Miss M: heaven help us.
Miss Betty: her BFF. Possibly a widow, she is impossibly vague on the subject. Cannot return to Arkansas. No, there’s no reason for that.
Mr and Mrs Bob: featured players at the church. Mr Bob is a veteran and also deaf as a post. Mrs Bob is quite loud and also impatient. Parents to
Miss P: a nurse. Not that kind. Mother to
Little P: She hates this haircut.
Sparky: a widower (she said she was sick). Father to
Mary: don’t ask her about the Children’s Moment
Mrs. Nightshift: mother of Meaghan and The Grandson. I only know one of them.
Mrs. OnlinePoker: an excellent baker and also closet online poker player.
Mrs Andrews: A widow and would-be matchmaker. Also the Valley’s science teacher and one of the first ladies to attend and graduate from college. Quite accomplished. Loves to drive. Should not.
Mrs BomberPilot: Sister to Mrs Andrews. Formerly the Valley bus driver. She will tell you how to get there from here. You better listen.
Mrs B: carrier of a purse. Also possessed of a mean left hook with the purse.
Mr. Shoes: a retiree. Needs to mind his own business.
Mr. Cycle: a retiree. Very enthusiastic. A romantic. Retirement Acres’ oldest living cyclist. Helmets are for sissies.
Lola: A grandmother. She resides with her children, her granddaughter (intermittently) and also
Lola: a spaniel.
Mario: The lawn man and jack of all trades. He landscapes, plants things, removes things he has planted, builds decks, removes decks, removes Jacuzzis, and thinks Wayne is actually a moose. He may not be wrong. Not a resident of Retirement Acres, but keeps getting sucked in. Was hired six years ago to do some light work in a yard. Is elbow deep in requests.